The Floating Bed

I used to blog on kpayal.blogspot.com. it's not cool to use blogspot anymore, people said, so I'm here. the floating bed is the name of a lovely composition by elliot goldenthal.

I like my time to run on wheels

It’s been a whole week since I have moved back to Bombay. And it’s been exactly how I imagined it to be and how I wanted it to be. Whirlwind of events and feelings. If the last six-seven months have taught me anything, it’s that my life works better on all short term quick plans where there is just a whole lot of action and less scope for any introspection at a a larger scale. I like fantasies of slow, romantic, frozen time but in reality, I like my time to run on wheels, electric wheels, with just microseconds of relaxed moments thrown in between. Future planning doesn’t work with who I am. I screw things up the moment I look at the larger picture. Larger picture baffles me you see.

Anyhow. So now I have to start looking for a rented place of my own, which is exciting. I will be living independently again after seven months. But those seven months will always be such a defining part of my life. For being able to live with my folks after so long. For looking at their daily lives up, close and personal. For understanding my mother’s daily rituals and incessant worries. For understanding what boredom can mean. And most importantly, for knowing that I probably will never ask for a calm life again, ever. 

Make it completely messy. Just throw in some jazz and wine moments here and there. And I am home.    

no direction home. 

I am a vegetable.

Random Fact: You can change your mind 54980043 times before you make a commitment. 

Anyhow. How was your Sunday? Mine was served to me on a platter as some average leftover food. Nothing was fresh and new about it. It was waiting to be gobbled, slurped and burped in any manner. And I did exactly that. I re-watched Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris. It’s one of the most charming Woody Allens’ by the way.  

I was talking to my friend Vibha on Saturday and telling her how when I am confused or in the middle of some life changes, I like to watch or read things that I have already seen. Comfort? I do not want anything small new sometimes till I figure out something big new. I know how people are always saying shit like ‘live in the moment’ but be honest and tell me that it’s not possible all the time. I find happiness in micro moments but I can’t live my life all the time. For some days at stretch, I can simply exist and be a vegetable. But I think I am inches away from jumping into something Big new. It’s making me more crazy and I promise I will be saner once the jump is over.   

This week is big. I have some tough decisions to make. Anyhow, for now, I am still a vegetable (tomato). 

James Spader, The Good Wife, my mother and other things.

Some days I want a quiet saunter down the cobblestone pavement. And on most others, I want to be taken away to far off places in the strong arms of  a very angry ocean. 

On that note, I have to say that I have had such a busy jam-packed day after so long, and I am loving it. Thanks to my routine of The Good Wife, the poetic sexiness of James Spader (in Blacklist now), flaky small talks with people around me, evening showers, g-chats with friends, my lovely mom’s nagging and loads of current and potential work, I am feeling very inspired. :)

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Picture by Tom Munro. Picture source: http://filmmakeriq.com/

BTW, I have mentioned this somewhere but I will say it again. James Spader, in all his phases, ages and avatars, is John Donne’s poetry in motion. So insanely sexy.

Okay okay bye. Back to work. 

  

Almost twenty years had passed, and in the end he had exactly what he had when he first arrived: his stories, his freedom and the open road before him.

Omair Ahmad’s The Storyteller’s Tale 

I have kept these lines with me for many many years.

Picture credit: Google images/youtube.com

Picture credit: Google images/youtube.com

At Gwalior. 2014. 

At Gwalior. 2014. 

Real adult

                                        image

                                                Picture Source: becou.com

When I was a kid, I always had this weird fascination of being an adult. That was my childhood dream, to be an adult. I was quite a troubled child and was often chaffed at for behaving like an adult. For being broody, dark and quiet and not at all like a kid or teenager is supposed to be.

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I am in love with this interview.

Photo by Steve Prue. Source: http://mollycrabapple.com/

If you’re the sort of person who fucking whines about being motivated, like some of the art students I lecture, then just fucking stop. I’m not interested in speaking to anyone who wonders how to motivate themselves. If you need to talk about how to get motivated, then go get a normal job in the normal scheme of the world and just do art as a hobby so you still love it. Stop clogging up the field for the people who need this like a drug.”  Molly Crabapple 

Read the whole interview on The Great Discontent

Some more from the Delhi Zoo visit on Friday. 

On another note, the Delhi Zoo is quite horrible. I went there for the first time and was rather sad to see the very limited spaces for some of the caged animals and the water looked like a monstrous green and blue colored alien.  

My Weekend. 

Chase your what?

I don’t know what people mean when they say ‘chase your dreams’. I am, more often than not, always having coffee with my dreams. Or walking in the park with them. Or putting them on the computer or paper. And sometimes, hustling them in my head when the life outside gets tough.

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Time to work. 
At Danta, Rajasthan. 2014. 

Time to work. 

At Danta, Rajasthan. 2014.